What's my Why?

I’ve developed a lot of good habits over the years in hopes of losing weight. I get lots of fruits and vegetables each day. I exercise at least 3-4 times a week for a minimum of 30 minutes. I rarely drink alcohol. I don’t eat meat. And still, my weight has crept higher over the years. I know that my biggest obstacles to weight loss are portion size and reaching for comfort food, particularly in the evenings. To conquer these obstacles, I think it would be beneficial for me to be clear and focused on my why.

To really get to my why perhaps I need to back up and ask myself why I have allowed myself to get to the weight I’m at? I am a disciplined person. I work hard. I put myself through a B.A. and then added to it to turn it into a B.Ed. I got a professional job right after university. I have raised a child on my own. I’ve gotten myself into a home of my own, entirely with my own finances. So how come I’m fat? Why can’t I lose the weight already?!

I remember seeing a counsellor just over 20 years ago when I was going through a very stressful situation. After a couple of sessions explaining to her the complex situation, she looked at me with this ah-ha expression and said, “Wow, your weight is so symbolic of the garbage your family dumps on you!”. At the time, not only was I about 50lbs lighter than I am now, but I also wasn’t fully capable of understanding that statement. Now I can see how I let myself get this way rather than putting a stop to it because I don’t see myself as worth it. Consciously and logically I can tell myself I am worthy but unconsciously I believe I am a loser that isn’t worth any support or attention.

Just because I know this doesn’t mean I can just tell myself I am worth it and ta-da, all fixed. I need to convince myself I AM WORTH IT!! I am worth supporting. I am worth paying attention to. I am worth the sacrifices, damn it! I want to believe this. I want to know this. If I know I am worthy of a healthy, happy, loving, abundant life then I can make the right choices to stop sabotaging myself.

This is my why. I am worth it, and I know it. I need to convince myself of this and I can do this every time I support myself, pay attention to my needs, and make sacrifices for me. I’ve taken the first step to find support by asking three trustworthy and lovely friends if I can report to them once a month on how I am doing with my 50lbs by my 50^th birthday goal. These fabulous women have all fought their own weight loss battles and know the struggle. I know that I can trust them not to make insidious comments when I fail, and I know they will be happy for me when I succeed.

Other steps taken so far:

·       Downloaded a calorie counting app, one of my super supportive friends (SSFs) can view my daily diary

·       Scanned pics of myself about 50lbs lighter for a vision board

·       Wrote a blog post